I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This is classic penis vs brain.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
