dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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