I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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