Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
