4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
