not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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