he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
