9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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