mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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