I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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