I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she told me i tasted like america
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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