I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
