I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
