Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I came so hard my ears popped.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
