I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
A+ Viking dick
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
