operation have a gay friend backfired
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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