Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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