I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
