well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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