We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Your penis caused this!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
