my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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