we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
