My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
