Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize