Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
