All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
