I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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