I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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