We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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