fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
