it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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