It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
