i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
