My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
