At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize