some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
