That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
