I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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