please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
