By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize