one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
