She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
