Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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