i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
