A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
