I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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