2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You may now shotgun with the bride
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Randomize