All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
