ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
