Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it hurts more in the daytime
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I AM VODKA MAN
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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