I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
