You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize