I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
