The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
