When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize