just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
as a side note pls kill me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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