I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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