Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
