I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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