and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
