doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
