I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
