I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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