you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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