New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
