Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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