I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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