saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
