You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
two words...techno handjob
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
