I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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