i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
