did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I believe in your delicious
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
