Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize