When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
