1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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