What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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