also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
