yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize