if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
