So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
