I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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