I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
