woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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