If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
