i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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