Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
