dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
