You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
there is glitter all over my balls
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
