Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
