Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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