You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
