I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
