Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
