i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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