you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
