if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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