i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
