new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize