I molested 6 butterflies tonight
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
