bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
