Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
