I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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