I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
