So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
