My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
